M&Ms
by Idy Adler
Summary: Michael's planning a party to celebrate 100 office parties. Kevin is certain that there is a thief in the office. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is getting a new -or old-  HR rep.
1. Chapter 1

notes; I don't own the Office, obviously.  
Also, I began writing this near the beginning of season six, so a lot of things are off.. David Wallace is still here, there's no Jo, and Dunder Mifflin doesn't belong to Sabre. Sorry if it throws you off or anything.  
Each chapter is a different character's point of view. (:

**KEVIN**

Kevin Malone glared at his bright computer screen. All the numbers swirled around in his brain. Being an accountant sucked. Also, it was boring. Sigh.  
His career dream was to be the owner of a big candy company. That way, he could be rich _and_ eat all the candy he wanted. But that dream was far away. Right now, he was stuck adding up numbers for Dunder Mifflin Scranton.

Without taking his eyes off the screen, Kevin stuck his hand into the glass candy jar he kept beside his accounting books. The candy jar held something different every year. This year, it was M&Ms. He loved the different colors and the crunch the candies made as his teeth bit into them. The hard coating on the outside prevented Kevin's fingers from getting sticky with melted chocolate, which also made him happy.  
There was a clunking sound as Kevin's fingernails hit the glass bottom. His fingers searched around for M&Ms, but there were none. Finally taking his eyes off the computer to glance at the jar, Kevin realized in horror that all of his delicious colorful coated candies were gone.

"Guys," Kevin declared to the other accountants, "My M&Ms are gone. Somebody must have stolen them!"  
Angela Martin gave him a disgusted look and went back to work.  
Oscar Nunez sighed. "Kevin, you ate them all," he said without looking up.  
"No I didn't."  
"Yes you did. This morning."  
"_No,_ Oscar, I did not." Kevin didn't like being told he was wrong. So he didn't really like Oscar, who told him he was wrong on a daily basis.

Oscar sighed and shook his head while Kevin pondered over what to do next. "I'm going to go tell Toby," he announced.

Toby Flenderson was the Human Resources, or HR, rep. He was a pretty nice guy, and everybody in the office liked him. Well, besides the regional manager, Michael Scott. Michael hated Toby with a passion. He never really had a reason why, though. There had been rumors about it before, but those died down faster than a fire in a blizzard.

Toby was sharpening a pencil as Kevin approached. "Hey Kevin," he greeted with his small Toby smile.  
Kevin did not return the nice gesture. He got straight to the point. "A crime has been committed in the office," he said, very seriously. "I am the victim."  
Toby chuckled, just a tiny bit. "What is it this time, Kevin?" Kevin had claimed many ridiculous things many, many times before.  
"Somebody stole my M&Ms!" Kevin replied with a pout. "They are all gone, Toby. _All gone._"

At this, Toby Flenderson almost laughed out loud. "Kevin, when I came in this morning, there were about 20 pieces left in your candy jar. I even told you, 'Hey Kevin, looks like your running out of M&Ms. Better go get more the next time you're at the grocery store'. Remember that?"  
Kevin shook his head.  
"You never told me that, Toby. Don't lie to me, this isn't funny. Somebody has stolen my candy and I'm not going to do any work until the criminal is caught and put in jail forever. This joke you have just attempted has made you one of the prime suspects."  
Kevin stood up and left. Toby just smiled. That sort of abnormal thing happened every single day at Dunder Mifflin Scranton.


	2. Chapter 2

These were kind of short, so I put two of them in one chapter. Sorry I took so long. e_e  
I try to change the style of writing in each chapter to fit with the character. Hard to explain. ;P Hopefully you'll see it.

**MICHAEL**

Michael Scott was about to make an important announcement.

To make sure everyone could see and hear him, he took Pam Beesly(well actually Pam Halpert, since she got married to Jim)'s chair while she was making copies and stood up on it.

"Oh, great," reacted Pam. "Now I have to burn that chair. Michael, isn't that dangerous?"

"Standing up on a spinny chair? No, I don't think so. It's quite fun." Michael spun on the chair and nearly lost his balance. "Whee! See?"

"Why are you standing up there, anyway?" Phyllis Lapin asked. Phyllis looked and talked like a Mother Goose, but she could be pretty hostile sometimes. Mostly to Angela, and more recently, Pam.

Michael remembered what he was up there for. "Everybody, I have an important announcement!" he declared. "We are going to have a huge party today."

"Celebrating what?" Mother Goose Phyllis inquired.

"We have hit a very important office milestone. It has come to my attention that, including this one, we have had one-hundred office parties!"

Jim Halpert, the other manager, crossed his arms. "Michael, having a party just for that would be an unnessecary chunk out of our time and company money."

"Jim, it's a very important milestone." Michael argued. "Like a baby's first word."

"Would you have a party to celebrate your baby's first word?"

"I would, I'm not sure about you."

Jim sighed. "Just try not to make it too expensive." Jim had become more responsible after he got promoted to co-manager. He kind of grew up a bit. Though he still played pranks on Dwight Schrute. His stapler-in-jello trick wasn't going to retire anytime soon.

"Michael, you keep track of the number of office parties we have?" Oscar asked. "Why would you bother?"

"Well, duh, Oscar. So we can have milestone parties like this one!" Michael exclaimed. "And I thought accountants were supposed to be smart."

"Kevin's not smart," remarked Angela.

"Hey, be nice, Angela." Michael scolded her like a child.

A light bulb dinged inside Michael's head. He had another idea. "Hey, our party planning committee has done great work for the last 100 parties. How about we switch it up a bit this time? The PPC gets a break. Us guys will be planning this party." Numerous groans and complaints replied to Michael's idea.

"Well, you know what? I don't like bad sports. We have to do our share. You guys better be in the conference room in ten minutes, so we can start planning our kick-ass party."

**STANLEY**

There had been 100 office parties? Stanley Hudson was very surprised. To him, it had always seemed far more than 300. Michael seized every little chance he got to have a party. He was always thinking of "fun things to do" that ended up taking a lot of money and time from work.

Ah, Stanley hated him so much. He'd really want to quit, but unfortunately Stanley was too old to find another job and did not have enough saved to retire.

100 office parties. Stanley had been to all of them. He had enjoyed only one of them- the one the office threw when Michael was out with the seasonal flu. That party had been so... normal.

"Conference room, guys only!" Michael clasped his hands together and smiled. The men in the office poured in. Oscar, Jim, Kevin, Dwight. Andy, Ryan, Creed, Toby. Well, Toby didn't really count because Michael shooed him out immediately. "Your ideas will make this party a disaster." So poor Toby was out.

"C'mon, Stanley!" the boss called from the conference room doorway. "You can pick out music!"

Stanley replied with a word he had used a trillion times before. "No."

"Aw c'mon."

"No, Michael. I have to work."

"Whatever. You can't change your mind!"

"Okay."

And so the one-time party planning committee started their meeting. Michael talked a bit too loudly, and laughed a bit more than normal. Even Kelly Kapoor could hear him from the other half of the office. It was obvious that he wanted to make it seem really fun, so that Toby could be jealous and Stanley could be persuaded into joining them.

Well, it wasn't really working. Stanley was more annoyed than eager and the poor guys in the conference room weren't really having fun. After all, planning a party had always been a girls' job. Not be sexist or anything. But yeah.


	3. Chapter 3

**JIM**

Michael had an endless river of ideas for the party. He came up with so many ridiculous ideas that after a while, Jim just stopped listening. The only people actually paying attention, really, were Andy Bernard and Dwight. The rest of the guys just nodded absentmindedly and said "Mhm" from time to time.

Jim looked out the conference room window and observed the people outside, who were actually doing something productive.  
Erin was yelling at the copier. Angela was talking to her cats on webcam. Pam was doodling on a napkin.  
Well, then again, maybe they weren't that productive.

_"JIM!"_

Jim's mind snapped back into the conference room as Michael shouted into his ear. "Damn, Michael."  
"Me? It's you that's dozing off, Jimbo. You've got detention!" Michael attempted a cheesy joke. "Be here at 7 to clean my desk with the janitors. And don't you dare skipping, or you'll be sent to the principal, young man!"  
Jim yawned. "Okay."  
"So, Jimothy, do you have any ideas for the party?"  
Jim, as usual, contributed a ridiculous idea on purpose. "Oh, I don't know. How about an anti-gravity machine? Like the one you asked for at Toby's goodbye party?"  
Michael's face lit up immediately. "Yes! Stupid Phyllis told me there was no such thing. She was probably lying so that she wouldn't have to spend money on it. But us guys will allow it, right?" Again, more absentminded nods. "That's the spirit! Now let's go get ourselves an anti-gravity machine! Kevin, you'll be in charge of that alright?"

As the party planning went on, Jim continued to zone out. He exchanged a look with Pam, who held up her drawing for him to see. It was a picture of Michael and his fantasized anti-gravity machine. Jim smiled and gave Pam a thumbs up. Pam smiled back and went on to draw another picture.

After what seemed like eternity, Michael called for a break. "Loooonchtime!" he explained. They all shuffled out of the conference room, and went to go get their lunches. Jim went to talk to Pam.  
"So, how was planning the party?" she asked. Pam was part of the normal party planning committee, but she never really got to suggest much because Phyllis and Angela just threw ideas out and fought over them. Usually Pam was just there to break the tie.  
"Excellent," replied Jim. "Our party is going to have a zoo, a Kevin-sized cake, three elephants, and an anti-gravity machine."  
"Nice," Pam smiled. "What are the elephants going to do?"  
"Well apparently, Dwight wants to barbecue them."  
Dwight was always doing ridiculous things. He kept weapons all around the office. He saved Jim from being punched in the face by Roy, though, with pepper spray. Everybody was glad that he hadn't used his ninja stars or nunchuks. Roy Anderson was Pam's ex-fiance.  
Dwight hadn't done anything extreme lately. Barbecuing elephants was pretty normal for someone like him. Pam called it his "Dwibernation."

"Barbecuing elephants? Well for today I'm going to be a vegetarian. "  
"Really? I'm going to try the BBQ elephant."  
"Hey, isn't that illegal?"  
"Well of course it is."  
"I'm not bailing you out."  
Jim chuckled. "Well okay then. I'll have to break out with my bare hands. Come on, let's go get some lunch."

It was a pretty normal lunch break. Kelly Kapoor was babbling to Erin and Ryan about makeup, Creed was blackmailing people with information the whole office already knew about (Angela cheated on Andy? Creed, where have you been?), Andy was singing with his guitar, and Angela was complaining to Dwight about some new cat thing.

"Pam-o-rama! Jimbo!" Michael beckoned them over to sit with him. The two of them hesitantly obeyed.  
"I brought a salad today," Michael said as they sat down. "Obesity-caused illness is the leading death in Americans, you know."  
Salads may be healthy, but Michael's sure wasn't. There was an ocean of dressing and a cheese mountain. You had to try really hard if you wanted to find the leafy greens that were actually good for you.

"Michael, doesn't it taste weird with all that... dressing... and stuff?" Pam asked, grimacing at the sight.  
"Nope, Pammy. It tastes delish." Michael took a spork and shoveled a huge portion into his mouth.  
"You know, all that cheese and dressing is canceling out the healthiness," said Jim. "You might as well be eating a plate of cotton candy for lunch."  
The boss laughed and replied with food still in his mouth. "Nice try, Jim. You're jealous that my meal is healthier than yours. What did you bring, a doughnut?"

"Actually, that was Kevin," Jim replied, taking out a plastic bag. "And he brought_ five _doughnuts. I brought a ham and cheese sandwich."  
"Michael, he's been bringing the same lunch for five years," Pam said, taking a bite out of her grilled cheese. "You've never noticed?"  
"Variety is good, Pam. Jim. Eating the same thing is not good. So, ha. I beat you. End of story." And he ate another spoonful of dressing and cheese.  
"Okay, Michael..."

"So," Jim said after a moment of silence. "Who are you rooting for to win the Super Bowl? Colts or Saints?"  
"Colts!" Michael exclaimed. "Ponies are much cuter than saints. All saints do is pray."  
"I want the Saints to win," said Pam. "They haven't won yet."

"And they won't win this year!" Andy called from across the room. "Saints suck."  
"I would like the Saints to win," Angela argued. "Saints pray."  
Phyllis shook her head. "It's about the team, not the team _name_..."

Dwight stood up, chicken drumstick in hand. "What is with this whole football thing anyway? It's just a waste of time. I'd rather be planting my beets. You know what a good sport is? Beet-planting races! But if you all," he pointed to everyone with his drumstick, "would like to spend your time inside watching people in helmets chase a ball, then be my guest."

He then sat down, but forgot something and stood back up. Without a drumstick this time. "Oh and FYI, do not go to the bathroom during halftime. All the flushing toilets will cause a sewage disaster."  
"That's a myth, Dwight." Toby countered, taking a sip of Sprite.  
"Hah. Where'd you read that, Toby? Yahoo?"

Actually, Toby _had_ read it on Yahoo.

* * *

I wrote this chapter a loooong time ago. Back when the Super Bowl was still going on. X]

Reviews = love. [:


	4. Chapter 4

**DWIGHT**

****After lunch, the women went back to work. If you could call it work, that is. Dwight doubted that they ever did anything. They probably surfed the internet all day. And he knew Pam was always doodling those stupid drawings of hers.

Women didn't deserve to work. They should be at home doing the housework. Men should always be the dominant ones! If Dwight ever became president, he would make the country a better place to live by banning women from getting jobs. PETA would be exterminated. Seat belts and medicine would be illegal, also. Natural selection could get it's job back. The White House would not be white, since Dwight disliked the color. It would probably be brown, and have a fortress of beet plants growing all around it. There will be no guards or secret service, since Dwight was so skilled and could defeat any person in his way.  
Or at least, that's how Dwight saw it.

Michael forced all the men back into the conference room, with the exception of unhealthily obese Stanley and scary-eyelids Toby. Dwight came in last and closed the door.

"Okay, guys," Michael said, dabbing a stain on his tie. "Back to planning our awesomeness party. Any more ideas? I bet the food got your brains working more."

"We could play Bingo," suggested Oscar.  
"That's gambling," Angela said disapprovingly.  
"Bingo is for old people," said Ryan.  
"B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o!" sang Andy.  
"Angela, how is it gambling?" Creed grumbled.  
"Hey, this is a mens only meeting." Michael said to Angela. "Angela, get out."

Angela stood up, smoothed her skirt, and walked out. "You guys better not mess this up," she said she closed the door.

"Bingo sucks," Kevin the fatty stated. "Let's play something with candy. Or food."  
"How about poker?" Creed asked. Everyone saw it coming. Creed was Creed.  
Well, not really. Creed wasn't his real name. He stole it from some poor old dead guy... Dwight had been doing some snooping.

"Poker, or Bingo." Michael announced. "Let's vote."

"Why not just play both?" Jim suggested. Why hadn't Dwight suggested that? He mentally kicked himself in the gut.  
"Because debating is fun, Jim."  
Ha ha ha! Never mind. Dwight took back his mental kick.

As they had a Poker-Bingo war, Erin poked her little head in the room. Her head was so abnormally small.  
"Michael, Jim? David Wallace is on the phone for you."  
The two co-managers stood up immediately.

"Can I be in charge?" Dwight asked, standing up also. He liked being in charge. The feeling of power was oh so wonderful.

"No," said Jim.  
"Yeah, whatever," said Michael.

Jim rolled his eyes, which was very immature. And he left the room.  
"Keep the little debate under control, Dwight." Michael said. Dwight saluted. "I won't let you down."

It was more of a war than a debate. Creed was bribing people-or was he blackmailing?-to switch sides. Kevin was threatening to sit on Oscar, which would surely be fatal. Ryan was trying to compromise, but had little progress.  
Dwight stood up on the table and cleared his throat to make a speech.  
Leaders always make speeches.


	5. Chapter 5

Two sections in this one, because the last one is awfully short. Aha.

**

* * *

MICHAEL**

Blah blah blah. That's usually the only thing David Wallace said every time he called. Blah blah blah. Gibberish.  
Most of the time it was only Jim listening to what he had to say. He would repeat it to Michael later on if he asked.  
During the calls, Michael just played around with the wooded mallard that sat on Jim's desk. Today, he made it hump a Dundie.

David Wallace was the CFO, Chief Financial Officer, of Dunder Mifflin. He lived in a big fancy house, worked in a big fancy office, and had a big fancy vacation home in Martha's Vineyard. He was also a big fancy pain in the ass. According to Michael.  
Well, Michael's opinions on him had once been very different. He used to refer to David as a friend, a buddy.  
But ever since he transferred Holly to Nashua...  
Grrr.

Yes, he still missed Holly. She was his soulmate, how could he not miss her? She was probably up in the Nashua office, making out with that douchebag AJ. While he had to sit here and listen to David Wallace babble.

"Michael, are you okay?" Jim gave him a funny look with his eyebrows.  
"Why wouldn't I be?"  
"You kind of look like you're crying."

Crying? Michael then realized there was more than one tear on his cheek. He hadn't noticed.  
"Psh, no. A man doesn't cry. I just have something in my eye."  
Jim didn't look very convinced. And the little sniff Michael made after wasn't helping, either.

Michael put down the wooden duck and listened to David for once.  
The CFO talked about sales and budget and company time. Blah blah blah as usual.  
But today, an extra topic was included.

"The Human Resources department has been swamped," David Wallace said, his voice scratchy through the phone, since it was on speaker.  
"The recession has caused worry and anxiety in our employees. There has been more and more disputes and complaints. Our HR representatives are being overwhelmed in work. Akron and Scranton, especially. There has been so much paperwork for them that they are started to get behind."

"Oh, it's not the paperwork," Michael said. "It's them. Those HR monsters are just lazy! Like Toby. Toby Flenderson. I bet he's just slacking."  
Jim gave him the 'be quiet' sign.

David Wallace sighed over the phone. "No, it's not them, Michael."  
"Of course it is."  
"No, it's _not_. Their work ethics are fine. It's just that there is so much work."  
There was a little pause. And then the CFO continued.

"Corporate has proposed a new idea for Dunder Mifflin Scranton and Akron. These branches will have_ two _HR reps."  
"Oh, great." Michael pouted. "A friend for Toby. All we need is another monster."  
"When will the new rep start?" Jim asked, ignoring Michael.

"Well, we don't have a solid date yet," David replied. "We are still interviewing people, making job offers, negotiating, and looking through people who might be eligible for the job. But for a rough estimate, I'd say the new employee will start work in about two weeks."  
"Great, two weeks for me to stock up on anti-HR spray," Michael grouched.  
"Is that all?" Jim asked.  
"Yep, that's it. We'll discuss the second HR rep soon," David Wallace said, and hung up.

"My mood is totally killed," Michael whined.  
"Well, RIP your mood," Jim said as he stood up.  
"I'm not in the mood to plan a party anymore. Now that I know a second monster is coming to work here."  
Jim sat back down and crossed his arms. "Not all HR reps are monsters. You liked Holly, remember?" Jim was really good with talking to people. He always gave Michael advice.  
"Oh I loved Holly. But she was one in a million."  
"Well, there are more than a million HR reps out there. Maybe you'll get lucky."  
"Holly was one in a trillion."

**JIM**

It looked like Michael wasn't going to change his mind about this new employee. Stubborn old Michael.  
Well, Jim guessed the milestone party was canceled.

They were still fighting over what game to play as Jim walked in. "Guys, the party is postponed. Back to work."  
There were grumbles across the room. Not because of the party, probably, but because of the 'get back to work' part.  
"Jim, we just spent _forever _debating over games." Dwight looked him in the eye, all serious and official-like.

"Well, the party is postponed. Michael isn't feeling too well."  
Dwight sprinted out of the room immediately and into Michael's office. The rest of the guys cleaned up the conference room and left, getting back to their usual work stations.


End file.
